I couldn’t sleep till 1:30 am. Stomach burning, my baby would be up any time, and yet again, my sleep would be disrupted. And, I must sleep. I need to wake up early, get work done, and really squeeze a workout in before she wakes up. But here I was. Struggling to sleep with my stomach churning and hurting from the spicy ramen we had for evening dinner. I usually like spicy food, but this vegan ramen was especially hot. At least, hot enough to keep me up in the middle of the night.
I was also consumed heavily with racing thoughts. Very typical when you absorb and process everything deeply, as an HSP. The entire day’s events run like a movie in your head and keep you up thinking about what happened and the why of it all. Especially, once become a mom, the last hour at night when it’s all quiet, the house is asleep, and most importantly, you’re not needed anymore. Suddenly, that breath of relaxed and relieved feeling is liberating. It’s like finally, me time. I can do whatever I want. In my room, of course. And, I’ve had to painfully recover from endless scrolling before I go to sleep. This was my little window of self-indulgence, entertainment, and feeling a little sense of control of my time and myself- getting to do what I want. While knowing very well that I should be sleeping now that my baby is asleep, and that the blue light, no matter how low the brightness may be, is harmful and will disrupt my recovery and sleep.
I am getting better, trust me. I push myself to read a book instead of grabbing the phone. The scrolling and influx of information, even late at night, make you alert and pull you out of sleep mode. So i am really trying to improve here.
In a world full of Instagram gurus, coaches, and leaders telling us what to do, how to grow, how to earn a million dollars, aren’t we forgetting ourselves? The true nature of who we are?
I still miss writing only by hand. I function best and the most creative flow is felt when I write by hand. It’s great that we have the digital systems and platforms available to us in today’s world to promote our work and get noticed. But, I still prefer writing by hand- writing notes when studying, writing handwritten letters and notes, grocery lists and task lists. I have an ideas notebook. I LOVE my Morning Pages. I feel nerdy and serious when I’m writing by hand, using different colors pens to write and highlight. Yes, I’m the old school bookish nerd who still loves to and would prefer to hold a book in hand over reading on a laptop or a screen. I know I know it saves paper, physical storage, and can be more handy with just one click. With the advent of ChatGpt today, people like my husband would argue to say that books aren’t needed anymore when you can get all the information and synopsis from a prompt. I agree, they’re not wrong. But, unfortunately, and not yet, thankfully, ChatGPT doesn’t soothe the soul, provide a sensory experience, or leave you feeling enriched, soulfully.
That reminds me, writing by hand is such a wholesome experience. I love writing by hand. Journals, a deep dive writing session when feeling low. Or, I am trying to process my emotions and am lost in terms of what I’m feeling. Then, to release the emotions, the pent up anger, writing comes to the rescue. When I’m feeling so creatively inspired and wish to sit down to write and document what I was feeling. Writing down ideas, also known as brain dumping, is a technique used when creating content. I prefer writing my blog posts in my morning pages or my journal and then typing them onto my laptop. It helps my ideas flow better and offers a better structure to the skeleton. I love writing, did i say that, already? Haha
I’m beginning to realise how, as a multipod, I have such varied interests and passions. Passion for most creative ways and pursuits- reading, writing, Art, Interior design, architecture, fashion, home decor, history, the list goes on. I had forgotten somewhere along the way that being a highly-sensitive person, a born creative, an empath, and now learning that I’m a multipotentialite is a gift. I tend to have and painfully crave for a rich inner world, inner peace, and calm, and a soulfully fulfilling vocation. I must use these as my anchors and the ‘North Star’, instead of resisting or taking them as a hindrance. As much as I love writing, I also love making Art, drawing, painting, and making mixed media collages. Creative pursuits feel like my therapy, a safe haven, and a refuge I seek when I’m at my lowest self. They are the most generous, accepting, and non-judgemental. I feel held, supported, and relieved. Its healing is an understatement. Especially for someone like me who is an introvert, painfully private, and internal about everything that happens.
That’s also the reason why I decided to start a blog, an online business to grow my Art. I don’t know if my Mandala brand will be a success. All I believed in was that this combination of putting together all passions of mine- digital marketing, business, content, creativity, strategy, and empathy with connecting with people all come in one umbrella. I can write, create content, make Art, connect with and build a community all at the same time, while applying my professional Marketing experience. It almost feels as if going to Business School is finally coming handy and I’m getting to apply those principles and learning now as I build my brand. All I want to hold on to is the joy of creating, be it in any form.
Love and Light,
Sneha
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